Goals.

Now might be a good time to let you know what my personal health/weight loss goals are.

I’ve briefly mentioned my career goals, vague as they may seem (because there are many things I want to do). However, I haven’t specified what my health goals are- just that I’m trying to lose weight and be a healthier person.

First of all, I don’t have a specific number of pounds I want to lose. I know how much weight I need to lose to be considered a healthy weight, and I know how much I used to weigh when I was at my absolute happiest and proudest of my body. But, bodies change, and it’s been 2.5-3 years since I was that happiest weight, so I’m not sure if trying to achieve a specific number would be the healthiest for me.

Instead, my goal is to get to a place where I am even happier, and even more confident in my body than I was a few years ago. You may have noticed by now that I keep saying “happiest with my body,” instead of “thinnest.” That’s because when I was happiest with my body was not the same time as when I was my thinnest.

I really just want to get to a place where I love my body again, and I honestly don’t know what that weight will be. Yes, I want to be considered healthy, so I do have a minimum goal that will place me in that category. Yes, I will likely try to lose more weight beyond just breaking into that healthy category. But I also want to be toned – not buff, just strong.

As a side note, today I have some errands to run. I’m currently getting ready to drive an extra 20 minutes just to go grocery shopping at a store that I know I won’t run into anyone who hasn’t seen me since I gained weight. I’m making changes in my life that will hopefully help me get to a healthier, more confident place, but right now I’m still in that embarrassed state of mind. It’s hard, but I’m trying.

Yesterday was a weird day for me, food wise. I was running late and skipped breakfast, which I know is bad, but it happens. Here’s what I ate the rest of the day:

Lunch: Chicken Sandwich
Dinner: Tuna Salad and fried pickles (I know, I’m working on cutting out the fried things).
Snacks: Roasted Pecans, two fiber one bars

Cravings.

So, I’m thinking it may take me a while to get into the groove of this blog thing. Mostly because I can’t come to a decision on what time of day I want to post my blogs. Do I want to post in the mornings, detailing my previous day? Or at night, right before I go to bed? I’m not sure yet, and I do still fully plan on sharing things like my daily workouts and meals with everyone, as well as just whatever I’ve done that day.

For now, I just want to talk about a few things that have happened in the past few days.

First of all, I somehow managed to have a failure and a success in the same action. The day after I posted my intro blog, I went shopping and out to lunch.. and I ate pizza and drank beer at lunch. So not what someone who wants to lose a lot of weight should be doing, right? Well, the truth is that I’ve NEVER been a healthy eater. When I was at my happiest with my body, I still ate Chinese takeout, pizza, and taco bell on a pretty regular basis. The main difference between then and now is that I used to work out like crazy, and I ate a lot less of those foods in one sitting. (I also did have a pretty healthy balance of decently healthy meals worked in there too).

So, at first I felt like I had failed, because I was trying so hard to stick to just healthy foods, because I do want to lose the weight rather quickly if I can.. but I stepped on the scale the next morning, and it hadn’t changed! My weight didn’t go up from pizza and beer that I’d had the day before, which made me realize that, even though it wasn’t the healthiest choice, I was able to enjoy it without overdoing it/having too much.

I probably won’t have as many “cheat” meals as I did when I was already thin, but I’ve also officially decided not to cut out my favorites entirely.

Which brings me to my next point – a distant relative of mine (I basically know her only through Facebook) is a fitness/health person, and she is always posting about things like sugar detoxes. Now, I know myself and I know that a no-sugar diet is not a long term solution for me, but one of my biggest problems is that I’m addicted to a lot of the food that’s made me gain weight. My weight hasn’t really changed for the past several months, because I’ll eat a couple of healthy meals and then a craving hits. So I am considering maybe trying a couple of these “detox” diets to kick my system into gear.

Before I get any hate, yes, I also know that these could easily double as fad diets, which obviously don’t work long term, because when you go back to eating normally you gain it all back. And yes, I know that your liver does all of the detoxing your body needs. But, I don’t plan on going back to eating the way I currently do, and while my liver may detox for me, I do need something to kick my cravings away. My hope is also that I will lose enough weight initially from a couple of detoxes that it might be easier to begin working out again (for anyone who has never gained weight, I assure you that working out when you’re already thin, even if you’re out of shape, is 10000 times easier than working out with extra weight on you).

It’s still early in the day, so I don’t have a daily food or workout journal for you yet, but I’ll try to post again later today if something interesting happens. If not, I’ll see you tomorrow. 🙂

An introduction to my new life.

Oh hi, it’s been a minute. When I started this website, it was for a school project, and for the last almost year I’ve been a bit neglectful of it. But that is about to change in a pretty big way.

You see, I’ve had a very.. interesting couple of years, which I will explain more in depth in this blog, and talk about why I’m making a big change in my life.

Where do I begin?

Almost exactly two years ago, I started a new job. At first, I thought I would really enjoy it, and in some ways I did, but I was very unhappy, and ultimately it probably came down to the fact that I was nowhere near where I wanted to be or thought I would be at that point in my life. And as time went on, I became more and more unhappy.

As a result of my unhappiness, I also gained a substantial amount of weight.. Enough that I have been so embarrassed by how I look that I have avoided seeing my friends, going to events I know I would enjoy, and taking pictures. Since I’ve been avoiding most of my friends who still remember my thinner self, I’ve also become very unhappy in my social life.

So, a few weeks ago I did something that I probably should have done a long time ago – I took a step down at my job so that I can focus on things that I want to do, things that interest me more, and things that make me happy. For example, this blog. I’ve always loved writing, but it was something that took a backseat the past couple of years, because when you reach a certain point of unhappiness, you are so emotionally drained that you just don’t have any energy to do things, even if they make you happy.

So what do I want to do with my life now? Well, there are many things! I’m still in grad school, but I ultimately want to work with animal rescuers and within the social media/planning realm of the music industry. I love to write, and currently have ideas/plans for writing five books. I am also open to any businesses that are really into making a difference in the world in some or many ways.

For right now, I plan on taking everyone who reads this on my journey to happiness, which will include getting myself back to a healthy place, where I love my body again. Yes, I will be blogging daily to share any workouts I’ve completed and what food I’ve eaten, but I will also be using this blog to talk about all of the new things I plan on trying, (like hopefully moving to a new city).

I also have a lot of great ideas, just waiting to burst out now that my creativity is a little more free and I’m not feeling so drained. I’m also going to be very open and honest on this blog – I’m going to share struggles, anxieties and fears, successes and failures.

Think of today as a sort of introduction day/rough draft of sorts. Tomorrow is day one of sharing my daily life with you all (even if it ends up just being 2-3 of you), and I can’t wait! 🙂